This is a multiple series article, so if you're just popping in here, don't forget to read the other parts.
- Part 1: You gotta know who I am first
- Part 2: How many women I’ve been with
- Part 3: I was a loser with acne
- Part 4: I had no game
- Part 5: Dating stories while I battled acne
- Part 6: Wait … I had acne? I never had acne!
- Part 7: Better dating stories
- Part 8: What my life is like today
- Part 9: Do girls care about acne? (... and other things I've learned)
PART 3: I WAS A LOSER WITH ACNE
Life wasn’t always like this though. There was a time, I remember very vividly, when life was just like every other anime otaku who fantasized about having beautiful women accidentally slipping on wet towels and having their large breasts smother me. I was too shy to talk to the women I wanted to and even more weird when it came to women I thought were attractive.
One time, when I was in middle school, I was hanging out at my friend's house and he had a very pretty older sister. She was a few years older than my friends in high school and she was so pretty, that she was actually known in other schools for how pretty she was.
So of course, I felt like the luckiest guy in that moment, just to be sitting on the floor of her bedroom and chatting with her.
I was there because her little brother and I were supposed to be studying. But it just so happened I caught her in her bedroom, so I snuck in and tried to make some small chat.
It was a ballsy move, first off because my friend could've gotten a little pissed about me trying to chat up his older sister, but also because I was this pipsqueak little kid and here I was trying to chat up this girl wayyy out of my league (at least at the time).
The weird thing is, I forgot about this memory until recently when I was reminiscing about how far I've come, and this picture popped back into my mind. The picture of me sitting on the floor of this high school girl's room, this girl whose beauty reached even beyond her own high school into other schools.
For a moment, when I was that little kid, sitting in her room I thought, "Wouldn't it be so cool if she somehow ended up having a crush on me and I got a chance with her. But that would never happen. So I guess, I just want to see what she's like and just be in her presence for a little ... Wow, I can't believe she's talking to me and she's so nice."
Many of us had those moments ... some of us still do.
I'd often dream about how I would accidentally bump paths with [fill in dream girl's name from high school] somehow, start a conversation and magically hit it off. Then ride off into the sunset like some sort of movie.
I wasn't a loser, but I sure felt like one sometimes.
And it didn't help either that, in my late teens, my acne got so bad that I would turn down going out with my friends whenever I had a break out.
Sometimes, it wouldn’t even be a break out, it might just be the right pimple in the wrong place.
This made it even more difficult for me to not be self conscious at an age when I was already very self conscious.
Needless to say, I didn't get anywhere with women in my life.
There were days, months, years where I felt very alone. I felt like no one wanted me. I just wanted to hide in my room and be forgotten.
At least until my acne cleared up. I didn't want people to think or remember me as the guy with horrible acne scars on his face. I didn't want the feeling of disgust to come up in their stomachs when they saw my face, the way I felt when I saw my face.
I did have hope though, if I could just clear my acne. Then I could finally show them, show the women, that I was just as hot, just as charming, just as charismatic as the best.
I believed in me on the inside, I just knew that people would judge me because of my face on the outside.
If I could just clear my skin!
Little did I know about the path that having acne was going to set me on ...