How Acne Affected My Self Esteem & Self Confidence

After having acne for such a long time, I don’t think that most people understood what it was really like. They weren’t just pimples on my face. This and that “zit” affected more than just my complexion. Acne affects self esteem. Acne affects self confidence. And it affected my self esteem… it really got to my confidence. Acne affects your self esteem. Acne affects your self confidence.

Unfortunately, looks do matter. But I think that it’s something that most people don’t like to admit for fear of being called shallow. But the truth is, this was something that I had to find out the hard way. Being a former acne sufferer of more than 10 years, I was soon to find out how acne would affect my social life and my view on myself…

COLLEGE WAS NO FUN WITH ACNE

As a young man, entering into college still with acne, it really affected my self confidence talking to young women. I didn’t feel like I was good looking enough. In fact, I thought I looked downright disgusting sometimes. In the back of my mind there was always that thought of how these girls would much rather be talking to someone else who was better looking… or at least looked “normal.” And for those of you who are saying, “It’s what’s on the inside that counts, Ray.” To that, I’d argue to say that looks do matter to a certain extent. While they’re not everything, looks do play a part in forming an impression at a subconscious level.

But it wasn’t just that I had a big nose or oddly shaped cheekbones or something. If it were that, I think I would eventually be able to accept that because it was just the way my face was shaped. Acne, I thought, made me look like I had a disease. I thought I looked beyond normal, I looked like I was sick. And I think from the time that we were kids, social media and Disney movies have almost ingrained in us that the hideous beast doesn’t end up with the princess at the end of the fairy tale. And the guy with the abnormally deformed face, the elephant man doesn’t end up with the beautiful swan princess.

So sure, we can pretend and say that looks don’t really matter. And to a certain extent, they’re not the most important thing when it comes to people. But I wasn’t looking to be as handsome as Tom Cruise or any Disney Prince Charming. I just wanted to look normal. I just wanted to look like what I was supposed to look like. I just wanted to be me.

WHO ELSE IS TIRED OF HEARING THAT THEY HAVE A GOOD PERSONALITY?

I used to kind of bug me it when women would say, “John’s better looking but Ray, you’ve got a better personality.” How we got into conversations is another story, but the point I’m trying to make is that I think acne sufferers are tired of “having a good personality.” Now I’m not saying that personalities aren’t important and that inner beauty is something that can enhance outer beauty. I’m not saying that at all. As a matter of fact, I am a firm believer in charisma, the X factor, charm, elegance, masculinity and femininity and how your IQ and EQ can have a very strong correlation with how attractive you are as a person. That’s one of the reasons I’ve spent years studying evolutionary psychology, behavior psychology, the Myer Briggs Personality Indicator, and want to pursue a Ph.D. in psychology after my Dietetics and Nutrition degree.

But what I am saying is that I don’t think the average person who sufferers from acne wakes up, looks in the mirror, and says to him or herself, “You know what, I’m happy with just having a good personality, being good looking is overrated. As a matter of fact, who cares?” I think most people, let alone acne sufferers, want to look beautiful. It’s the reason why women put on makeup, it’s the reason why men work out in the gym, it’s the reason why Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and Victoria’s secret underwear models have jobs. It’s the reason why people drive nice cars and want the house with the ocean view instead of the house where you look out the window and see a brick wall.

Human beings are naturally attracted to things that are beautiful. We’re subconsciously attracted to the rule of symmetry and a phenomenon found in nature and time called the Golden Ratio where the human eye is drawn to things or elements of particular proportionality. So while beauty is in the eye of the beholder, it’s what’s on the inside that counts, and [insert the next feel-good cliché here], unfortunately we humans are designed, at some degree, to take objective notice of the physical.

Have you felt like weren’t handsome enough? Or if you’re a woman, have you felt like you weren’t beautiful enough? I think this is just one of the few ways that Acne affects self esteem and affects self confidence in people.

EVERYTHING THAT I WEAR DOESN’T LOOK RIGHT WHEN I HAVE ACNE

I remember when I was in junior high, high school, and college when I was just beginning to break out with acne, before I would go out, I would try so many different kind of shirts and different kind of pants. None the less, nothing I tried would ever look right. In the end, after so many different combinations of clothes, I would always still end up hating the way I looked. After all, it wasn’t the clothes that I didn’t like, it was my pimple covered face.

Most of the time I just ended up wearing some random clothes. You can only change your clothes so many times before getting exhausted and getting fed up with how nothing seemed satisfying with the red craters on my face.

This made it impossibly difficult to talk to women because I was such a harsh critic on myself. Apparently, over the years, those creeping acne thoughts had now transformed into scathing poisons I just couldn’t get out of my head. There were so many times when I finally mustered up the courage to talk to a girl and then had the acne thought monster strike mid-conversation. I remember the entire time talking to her with the thought of acne in my head. Is the lighting right? I hope she doesn’t get too close. I hope she doesn’t notice how big and disgusting my pores are. I’d get really nervous when she’d get close to my face, really self conscious. I’d feel heat flashes and start sweating. I’d usually back and never let anybody get too close to my face.

Most of the time when I looked in the mirror, it looked like I had a disease or something. I really wanted to move on from this part of my life already. And I think at the very end, having acne put a mental block in my mind that ended up holding me back.

Let’s think about this, how many relationships have you missed out on because you were so self conscious about your skin and your acne. I’ll tell you this, I probably missed out on more than I can count. I missed out on opportunities to go out. I remember days when I would just stay in and lock myself in my room because I didn’t want to go out because I didn’t want to have to deal with the embarrassment. I didn’t want to have to deal with the voices in my head about people getting too close or how the lighting was hitting my face, what are they thinking of me or are they looking at my skin?

Have you ever felt that when you clear your acne, that one day you can finally move on. There were times when I sat on my bed and honestly, I would imagine all the girls that had a crush on that I was too embarrassed to talk to, as a teenager, because of my acne. I imagined everything so much better because there wasn’t that added worry about my skin. Instead, I had a real hard time moving on.

When I used to think that I just wanted to be “normal,” I didn’t realize the degree of depth that carried. Little did I know at the time, that according to many biological and evolutionary theories in science, we humans are attracted various health factors on the human body. For example, the shine and health of a woman’s hair is subconsciously considered a health factor to a man. A woman with a voluptuous body signals fertility.
In the same way, a man who is muscular and strong may signal to a woman at a instinctual level how much of a protector he is so that she may feel safe with him. On both sexes, symmetry of the face indicates how healthy the man or woman’s genes are and how likely they are to produce healthy offspring. And lastly, clear skin subconsciously communicates to the opposite sex that this person is free from diseases and that they are a good choice to breed with.

These indicators of health and reproduction value are things that have built into our behavior and genetics over hundreds of years. They are mechanisms that are triggered sometimes whether we like it or not. So the next time you wonder why you’re having these thoughts about wanting to have acne free clear skin, you’re not crazy. You’re just doing what you’re designed to do. And I think, at some level, most human beings understand that they want to look healthy.

HAVE YOU EVER LOOKED IN THE MIRROR AND HATED YOUR OWN FACE?

There were many times I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, “This isn’t me.”

And even sadder, I would try to talk to my parents about it and most of time I didn’t feel like they understood where I was coming from. I didn’t feel like they understood how much my acne was killing me little by little. I didn’t feel like anybody really got it. And when I did commiserate with other people who had acne, it didn’t make me feel much better either. Somehow, I realized that even after we finished ranting and bashing on acne… we still had it. What was the point then? It made me feel better temporarily but it didn’t really solve anything.

There were a few times I remember talking to my parents about acne and I remember them saying, “Ray, it’s because you’re going through puberty.” But the funny thing is they said the same thing when I was 18 years old. They also said the same when I was 19 years old. And when I hit around 20 or 21, they started a different reason when the puberty reason didn’t fit anymore. Even funnier, is that I believed them. I thought that my acne would go away after I passed puberty. I really believed that they were right for the longest time. But it was when I hit 21 that I thought there was no way I still going through puberty.

And if wasn’t the puberty reason that my parents were giving me, then they would have me put on gels or creams that they bought or were recommended by friends of theirs. I tried to tell them I don’t think it’s working. I don’t think it’s the puberty and I don’t think these creams are effective. But somehow they would never believe me.

They would tell me, “You have acne because you’re not getting enough sleep.” And I would tell them back that I was definitely getting enough sleep. Even when I slept 8 to 10 hours a day, I’d still break out. That’s why I’m not so sure about it being sleep that’s causing me pimples.”

Then she would say, “Well… it’s because you’re taking naps in the afternoon.” This didn’t make too much sense to me at the time but I listened to her. So I stopped taking naps in the afternoon and that still didn’t work. I was still breaking out.

Eventually, after I passed “puberty” and was in my 20’s, I really started to get worried. Believe or not, I was also a little bit angry that my mom didn’t believe me when I used to tell her that it wasn’t because of the puberty, it wasn’t because of the sleep, and that these creams and gels weren’t working. Somehow, I’ve always known that there was something else going on behind acne, which I think most of you who have tried the range of acne products would agree with me.

I looked around and saw all the evidence of so many other kids going through puberty too, but a lot of my friends didn’t have acne. I was convinced that it wasn’t just “because of puberty” that I was breaking out and having acne.

Something was definitely not right here. I wanted to investigate. I wanted to find out why my friends weren’t sleeping much and weren’t taking care of their bodies but still they had better skin than I did. How come they didn’t go through “puberty” like I did? I had to get to the bottom of this.

DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU CARE TOO MUCH ABOUT LOOKS?

I cared so much about looks.

And I felt like there was something wrong with me. But the truth was that I just wanted to look “normal.” I tried to justify to myself that “looks” didn’t matter. But did they?

Maybe I wasn’t so shallow after all.

Maybe there wasn’t anything wrong with NOT wanting to be the weird looking kid.

It took me years to finally make a decision that I would do whatever it took to clear my acne. I was done wasting my life sitting on the sidelines. I was done sitting at home being lonely and hiding.

That’s when I discovered the How To Clear Your Acne Program. It wasn’t easy, but it was definitely worth it. And if you haven’t seen my before and after pictures, there right here: Ray’s Before & After Acne Pictures. But remember, it wasn’t always like that. There was a time that I had terrible acne…